The difference between big girls and small girls

  My roommate is a big girl-just like me. And the other day, she was telling me how guys actually found big girls dependable and having a gold value to be used. So, at that time, I didn't take her word seriously at all. UNTIL NOW.

  So, there was this guy that kept asking me questions on this and that instead of asking my course mate friend whom very clearly is as smart as me. The difference between us is she is model-skinny and I'm queen-sized mattress. =X So, why can't he ask her instead of me?

  While all the "small girls" get boys to really talk to them (a solid conversation that doesn't include assignments and tutorials), the big girls never. All I get is boys asking me 24-7 about homework and assignments. (Boys are supposed to be better in engineering?) So, I began thinking about what my roommate said and realised boys were constantly asking her about homework and the permission to copy her assignments and project info. Absolutely idiotic.

  Based on how and what I had for dinner today, I don't think I'm ever entering the skinny club. OH WELL!

The best split is banana split

  The start of the week has made me realise I was far off behind the world. It also made me want to change the flaws I had and make up for mistakes and lost time. It was a romantic yet lonely night that made me ponder on splitting up with people. With absolutely no experience in love, the only relationships that has broken my heart is friendship.

  Having change schools for so many times it seems illegal, I have left so many people behind. Time after time. At the last year of school, everybody finally split up. Hemlatha's doing Sunway, Cheng Yi matriculation in Pahang, Shi Yee in between of Nottingham and awaiting reply from JPA, Hui Jun to America, Sheena in Sunway, Yi Ting for nursing and the others in form 6.

  Looking back, nothing is forever.

  I still remember the time I promised my primary 6 friend how both of us were going to go strong forever after graduation. It never happened. She forgot me, I moved on with life casually. Everyone will get busy, meet new friends, bury the old ones, and just move on.

  Splitting up is really hard. You feel you know that person inside out, and suddenly that person doesn't know you anymore. There will be times where you get insomnia at night and abruptly think of the people in the past and wonder how they are getting on with their lives. You will think of the good times, the bad times, and the moment where both of you didn't want to meet each other for no reason other than because its awkward to dig up old memories.

  I have split up with several friends and at the end of the day, I forget the bad times, the times I got hurt and hurt others in return, and keep the good memories deep in the core of my heart. Till today, the best split I have tasted is banana split.

I never want to grow up

        This is for Hemlatha and everyone out there who can't fight their age

  I'm so jealous of all the babies, toddlers, and young kids out there. Yes, all of you who are under 7 and still watching cartoons thinking Powerpuff Girls or Superman is going to safe the world. I mean just look at them! When they are facing any problems at all, all they do is cry. CRY. That's all and all their problems are solved. Fall down, cry. Things missing, cry. No sweets, cry. And they get what they want after that. Can I do the same? NO. Yes, I can cry. But after an hour or more of tears wasted, I'm still stuck with the same problem. Nobody saves me. Let's sue Disney, fairy tales are all fake. Sometimes I just wished somebody solved all my problems, met all my challenges, went through all the horrors for me. I just don't want to grow up okay?

  As you celebrate more birthdays, gain more wrinkles and crowfeet, become taller and in my case wider, your responsibility piles up too. It becomes so heavy you just want to run away and leave everything behind. Unfortunately, no matter how much you run, everything still catches up with you. I told my mom how tough it was becoming an adult, and she told me this was all part of life. I realise how much I never really matured. I still wanted mummy. I still wanted candy. I simply felt lost. How the hell do they get married at 18? I still watch cartoon. Being an adult is different. You start to think more. You start to lose your ignorance and lose bliss at the same time. You simply change into something called "adult". I remember vividly how I made conclusions adults don't know and understand how it's like to be a child or teenager when I was in primary. Looking back, I wonder if I would ever understand a kid or teen in another few years.

  I changed my life plan.

  I want to fail. I want to cry. I want to be criticized. And then I want to wear the biggest smile on my face, and face anything in life. I want to get up from my fall with my own strenght, not wanting any prince charming to save me. I want disappointment, criticism and pain to make me stronger, braver and wiser.

  My heart still hurts from my driving. Help me mend my broken heart.

  GROW UP KID! Fairy tales are fake.