The difference between big girls and small girls

  My roommate is a big girl-just like me. And the other day, she was telling me how guys actually found big girls dependable and having a gold value to be used. So, at that time, I didn't take her word seriously at all. UNTIL NOW.

  So, there was this guy that kept asking me questions on this and that instead of asking my course mate friend whom very clearly is as smart as me. The difference between us is she is model-skinny and I'm queen-sized mattress. =X So, why can't he ask her instead of me?

  While all the "small girls" get boys to really talk to them (a solid conversation that doesn't include assignments and tutorials), the big girls never. All I get is boys asking me 24-7 about homework and assignments. (Boys are supposed to be better in engineering?) So, I began thinking about what my roommate said and realised boys were constantly asking her about homework and the permission to copy her assignments and project info. Absolutely idiotic.

  Based on how and what I had for dinner today, I don't think I'm ever entering the skinny club. OH WELL!

Goodbye

  It was a hot and humid afternoon where her vision was blurred by sweat that dripped and flowed into her large hazel-brown eyes. The pain was intense and humiliating. She should know better. She watched him eye green-jacket-girl with a desire of unknown boundary and the pain numbed her head. She felt like she had been eaten up from the inside and tears started to leak. Her friend next to her eyed her with beady eyes wearily. 'Too hot, too much sweat.' She referred to her tears.

  The green-jacket-girl ignored the guy staring at her and pretended to study history about civilization with a Calculus book underneath. She leaned her head on the table and closed her eyes. Maybe the pain would go away faster this way. It seemed wrong to fall for her buddy. He was her best friend. And she loved him. With all her soul and heart. And her heart was-breaking. Instead of telling him that she needed him, she was helping them get together. She was passing messages for them, she was telling him things about her-green-jacket-girl. He was happy. He had finally found the love of his life. And green-jacket-girl responded equally with a positive attitude, directly proportional. Where does that leave her? Outside the perfect circle only enough places for two people?

  She sucked in deep as her car arrived and dashed across the road to meet him. Standing in front of him, she was speechless. Finally, she spoke. ' Ian, I'm leaving the country tomorrow to further my studies in Chemistry. Goodbye.' With that, she turned and dashed into the car, her body shaking and choking on tears hard.

  This is for Ginny Lim and Hemlatha. It was inspired by a story I read and the recent happenings.

I need somebody now

  It's a wonder how things change in a wink of an eye.

  This week was my best and worst week in University.

  And I thought life was good. You have no idea how much I want to hug somebody and cry now. I feel like a moron. I'm ashamed of myself.

  I broke my phone last night and I'm phoneless now. I forgot to take money from my parents and I'm kind of considered broke as I can't buy any books I want. I have to go to the bank. But most of all, I guess I'm sad that I can't do electric circuit. I totally suck at it. I never loved Physics in high school and now I'm slacking in it. I should have just given the shop to repair my phone instead of trying to be smart and everything.

  I need somebody now. Hello anyone?

  Today is and shall be the most embarrassing day of the week.

  First, I enter Mr. Zamari's(or is it Zamani?) class where he stresses out the facts of Uni life and how to find stuff online. It took a while but I realise he was saying what I had actually told my PA(PA stands for personally assistant-kidding). The culture-shock stuff. After going to so many schools in my life I still get culture shock-is there anything more impossible? Then, I bumped my head on the toilet bowl(the flushing thingy) and then on the wall where I tried to lean my head. In the Instrument Lab, Mr. Zamari clearly stated that collared T-shirts and no track bottoms were allowed. That was exactly what I was wearing. He also said something about not having your bag on the table-mine was fat and lying there obviously catching attention like a celebrity.

  And later I'll have my first Physics experiment. I wonder if I'll be allowed into the lab. I'm not properly dressed at all. Need more collared T's.

  Gosh, can you believe it? The day is just starting.

  I'm living on bread nowadays with nestum and milk as side dishes.

  What I learned here is you can't change everything. You have to learn other people's ways. You have to let go. letting go hurts but not letting go hurts worst.

Trouble

  I'm really good at getting myself in trouble. Really really good. Like joining form 6 for a day and trying to get out of it. I don't believe I have to face the teacher tomorrow. This morning I woke up early, wore uniform, ate breakfast and rushed to school. Halfway through, I turned back. I didn't want to do form 6. I was absolutely positive to the core. I went to school...because...because I felt guilty for leaving stuff halfway like that. But I just couldn't force myself. Why am I always so...mercurial?

How your mood affects the food you eat

Tough foods, like meat, or hard and crunchy foods = Angry

Sugars = Depressed

Soft and sweet foods, like ice-cream = Anxious

Salty foods = Stressed

Fill-you-up-foods, like crackers and pasta = Lonely, sexually frustrated

Anything and everything = Jealous

It's full moon tonight,

why am I not changing into a werewolf?

So much has been going on these days,

  I THINK I"M GOING CRAZY.

To be hanged, drawn, and quartered

  That's right.

  I feel totally dead inside. Like some tornado had sucked the life out of me. I guess that is how it feels to work with kids when you just cannot handle them.

  Okay, I had a jolly good time picking my nose just now! XD

  Wait-back to the kids.

  Okay, first, I don't like the job. I don't adore children and go like 'Awwwwh! So cute!' I go more like 'Do not come near me, you are super-gross!' A boy sneezed right on my hand today. A boy hugged my thigh. A girl threatened to not buy anything for me when I told her to keep quiet. And then, there is the crying part. They go 'wewewe'. I just wish they all sat down and listened to me. They don't, seeing me in desperation-depression-out-of-control-full-of-misery apparently makes them happy.

  I have to prepare homework for them like no tomorrow. And, I feel cheated. When I first joined, I was told to be the Assistant Teacher. Not the MAIN teacher! I'm given assistant teacher salary which is so low compared to the main teacher salary! I took a day off to attend a wedding and they cut RM17 from my salary! Can you smell the evilness already?

  I totally feel depressed again for what I did. I thought of getting Hem and nut together but then realised that even if nut really like her, she was too good for him. She deserves someone better. Far better than nut.

  PS: Did I mention my only red pen and lovely plastic ruler got stolen by the children?

About QUITTING (Wrote this in the gym)

  I'm feeling like a loser, do you have exercise for that?

  Okie, I will be stopping gym. So, this is the last month. Hey, I lost 800 grams! Well, my skinny friend Kah Sim just needs to skip dinner a week to lost 8 kg. I only lose 800 grams like...after a month?

  I'm writing this in the gym with pen and paper, sitting not-so-comfortably on the bicycle machine. Discovery channel is running before me.

  CSY, do you want to continue this gym thing? Hell yes.

  Because it feels good. Very. It kind of gives me something to write about.

  Lets talk about people around me. (I might get kicked for this)

  Now, there is this guy with specs on the treadmill obviously trying to gain muscles and losing more calories than me with his already wet T-shirt. He's hairy. I'll call him Hairy Grey. A small kid runs around looking for his mom, his dad is trying to catch him from the back.

  Hilmi just walked in and out after smiling at me. Okay, it wasn't so bad compared to what I thought.

  This feels like an TV advertisement. Really it does.I remember this TV ad where the girlfriend has extra fats and is laughed by other girls, because her boyfriend is really good looking ( The short ugly boys in my secondary class look so much better than him seriously). The boyfriend loves her so much gets her into a slimming centre. She loses weight and they get married. Right now, the guy in the white shirt sits down and does nothing besides looking at his girlfriend doing treadmill. Well, his girlfriend's transparent elastic T-shirt is screaming to the world: 'The bra underneath is whiteeeeee!' There is a guy checking his hair next to her. Are you sure he is only checking his hair?

Musings during the gym

 1. I wonder what they will be thinking anyway. Okay, everything in my life is due. From gym to form 6 to taking pictures. I'm going to have some serious problems.

2. It's clear I abhor the counter girl. She looks like a sarcastic princess from hate-land.

3. I wish I could.

4. I don't like that guy in spec's. He thinks he is a...never mind.

5. I can't be the thinnest, I can be the smartest.

6. I want to cut hair.

7. I want to write a book.

8. I want a vacation.

9. I hate milk advertisements. They say they protect children from virus.

10. I wish I could respond more quickly when telling lies.

11. I wish my face wasn't an open book where people could just read it and tell my thoughts.

12. The last thing I need is Nightmare's brother.

13. A guy is wearing a shirt splattered with paint. I like it.

14. I saw this woman in the market today wearing black sun glasses. She was a cool grandma.