Happiness that hurt

I was in my dad's car in Malacca and we were having a good time after eating Asam Laksa in Jonker Street and buying forbidden food for beauty queens (or anybody who gives a damn about losing weight). I saw this particular shop that brought back memories deep from the past that haunted me. It was a shop that sold mattresses. Yet, it was special. It reminded me of someone that was once so close to me and now so far. No way this is about a guy. Its about a friend. I miss her (even if she really is evil-evil-evil to the max). There are some people in life you can never get over no matter how time flies and that one person stupidly is her. My first glance made me happy to the core and left a devastating pain later in my heart when I realised the person who shared those experiences with me was no longer there for me.

  I wonder why the world is so unfair.

Everything in life isn't right

    I find it so hard to be a part of something. I hate this feeling. Totally hate this feeling of wanting to be accepted. And yes I don't understand why I'm having this feeling. I've been doing reports over reports with Maths and Add Maths as my main subject. I'm starting to hate numbers. Really. I mean that's what I learn about. Non-stop numbers. Sucks. And I feel like there is no one to depend on and it just makes me feel worst.

She forgot to let go

  Once upon a time, there was a little girl who held on too tight to everything in her life. She pretended to be strong even when she wasn't, hoping for a miracle on rainy days. She believed that she would chase her dream, and everything would fall into place. Then, the truth sunk in-her dream wasn't coming true. There was no magic in this Disney-loving world. She had to let go. And made a mistake. She forgot to let go.

  When she finally gave up on her dream, her hope, her believe and the thought that miracles actually happened in life, she decided. She let go. She let go of her heart, which bled silently in the dark.

I told the fox:

' The sour grapes taste sweet.'

The Forgotten Name

  'Your results are really good.'

  This Wednesday, the long awaited SPM results finally came. I went to school at 10 in the morning, sent by my anxious father. Dad couldn't wait any longer and went to work when Gaa Mun told me the results were not in school. So, I waited outside the school for an hour.

  During that hour, I took pictures of others. I should delete most of the pictures. REALLY.

  Meeting up with old friends and classmates wasn't a good idea seeing how everybody have changed to become so fab and I remain the same. Oh yes, they dye their hair, wear really fab clothes and look like superstars.(Sheena looked like the First Lady when she got out of car.) I still look like a sweeper from some infamous cleaning agency.=((

  I felt self-conscious. The fact that I looked horrible in every picture didn't help either.

  I don't why but the wait outside didn't make me nervous or anything..it was neutral. No feelings. NOT even butterflies in my stomach. Mostly, I felt empty.

  We finally were allowed to go in and a not-to-be-missed spot-check by the most despicable teacher had to be done. She was probably afraid students would come in bikinis. I wonder why they didn't. I was covered pretty well, so she didn't even glance at me.

  I got 9A's and 1B. The evil B is for Mandarin. I love Mandarin it's just that Mandarin hates me I guess.

  Cheng Yi called me before I could even call Mom. She got all A's. Next, I called Hemlatha after calling Mom and Dad. Dad was in a meeting so he didn't really answer well. Mom went like "Owwhh" for Mandarin.

  All the others before me got straight A's and a few cried tears of joy clutching the result slip dearly. I was the first to break the A record with a B. =( I got my results and I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I didn't feel anything. I don't know why the hell they cry. Why didn't I feel happy? WHY?

  Most of my class got straight A's. A mixture of A+ and A. My teacher forgot my name. So did a few of my classmates I believe. All the straight A's were interviewed by the school magazine. Sheena and Gaa Mun were thrilled to the max to be interviewed. I couldn't be interviewed. I had a B. BBBBBBBBBBBBBB............................................. Gaa Mun even told me she will tell me what they asked her with a big smile and I didn't need to worry about it. She might as well have made a pig face.

  I hung around and looked at happy faces and crying faces and make-up faces... A girl cried because she got the results like me. All A's except Chinese. Tan Leng took her results and ran back home without even telling me.=(

  I was waiting for Sheena and Gaa Mun to finish their interview but went back as I told my boss I would go back to work right after taking my results. I walked back, feeling more alone than ever despite having crowd and cheers all around me. The sun was up and it was hot but I felt cold inside.

  I went back to work and everyone was excited about my results. They went like it's really good! They were excited and wanted to know what my future plans were.

  I went home and found out something which made me feel worst. As if I wasn't feeling rotten enough.

  My parents were utterly disappointed with my results. They were holding high hopes that I will get 9A+, I didn't. All hopes were gone. In their eyes, I was a goner.

  They think I don't know what's playing in their mind, but it's super-obvious. They are really disappointed. They can't help drooling over those with 10A+ and 9A+.

  Yeah, so I'm stupid for not getting straight A+.

  I cried on that day I got my results, cried myself to sleep last night, and might just cry again tonight. Well, what happens when the good isn't the best?

I killed my driver

I killed my driver and now he is lying in a pool of blood. He vomited all his internal organs-WAIT! That thing is his brain? It's expired! I don't know if I should call 911 or just find him a burial plot.

  Well, it's pure exaggeration if he is physically dead. He is mentally dead. At the begining, he was really excited. Then, he said "headache" repeatedly and sang sad songs as I fumbled with the wheel trying to get him knocked out of the car. He was totally fed up and frustrated.

  My problem? I could not control the steering wheel. The car went from left to right, dancing to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". I kept going to the next lane, killing my driver's patience. He was nothing to be proud of either, he said he was too tired and refused to be professional.

  He drove me home telling me normally his students would drive after the first class. I was the only one he had to drive home. He told me I was a slow learner and needed 20-30 hours of learning compared to a normal 10 hours. WOW! He repeatedly told me I was not stupid, just slow. JUST SLOW. WOW! Then, he thought he hurt my feelings and told me sympathetically I might have other talents. WOW! He told me if he ever sat next to me with me driving both of us will be lying in hospital.

  Fantastic, I'm a total failure at driving. What's next? Maybe I should protest on the streets like this.

 

  PS: I've decided to send him to a hospital so that doctors and surgeons can stuff and seal his internal organs back into his body. Hopefully, they will give him a new brain. Then, I'll drive him back so that he can lie permanently in the hospital.

Remember Me?

  Right now I'm reading a book exactly with the same title. Just that... well, after years I'm still having problems with facebook. I know facebook helps you to connect with friends and everything. I found my primary six friend via facebook last week and ever since then been messaging him to know how he is. I was really excited(jumping and squeaking in my sleep) that after 6 years apart I would know how someone had changed. I told him about everything I still remembered about him like how he used to be my class monitor.(I'm really grateful I did not tell him I always thought my best friend at that time was secretly in love with him)

  He turned out to not remember me at all.

  I was very disappointed. Look, I know I'm transparent but to that extend?

  He didn't want to talk about anything we used to do in primary school. I just kept asking him questions and he kept replying. That was all. Clearly, he was very irritated by me. His answers were short and abbreviated and I could sense irritation in every reply.

  So today, I asked him one last question on facebook. 'Do you keep in touch with any primary friends?' I also told him that this was the last question. I would prepare myself to ignore and forget him completely.

  Some things are better left forgotten.