The Forgotten Name

  'Your results are really good.'

  This Wednesday, the long awaited SPM results finally came. I went to school at 10 in the morning, sent by my anxious father. Dad couldn't wait any longer and went to work when Gaa Mun told me the results were not in school. So, I waited outside the school for an hour.

  During that hour, I took pictures of others. I should delete most of the pictures. REALLY.

  Meeting up with old friends and classmates wasn't a good idea seeing how everybody have changed to become so fab and I remain the same. Oh yes, they dye their hair, wear really fab clothes and look like superstars.(Sheena looked like the First Lady when she got out of car.) I still look like a sweeper from some infamous cleaning agency.=((

  I felt self-conscious. The fact that I looked horrible in every picture didn't help either.

  I don't why but the wait outside didn't make me nervous or anything..it was neutral. No feelings. NOT even butterflies in my stomach. Mostly, I felt empty.

  We finally were allowed to go in and a not-to-be-missed spot-check by the most despicable teacher had to be done. She was probably afraid students would come in bikinis. I wonder why they didn't. I was covered pretty well, so she didn't even glance at me.

  I got 9A's and 1B. The evil B is for Mandarin. I love Mandarin it's just that Mandarin hates me I guess.

  Cheng Yi called me before I could even call Mom. She got all A's. Next, I called Hemlatha after calling Mom and Dad. Dad was in a meeting so he didn't really answer well. Mom went like "Owwhh" for Mandarin.

  All the others before me got straight A's and a few cried tears of joy clutching the result slip dearly. I was the first to break the A record with a B. =( I got my results and I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I didn't feel anything. I don't know why the hell they cry. Why didn't I feel happy? WHY?

  Most of my class got straight A's. A mixture of A+ and A. My teacher forgot my name. So did a few of my classmates I believe. All the straight A's were interviewed by the school magazine. Sheena and Gaa Mun were thrilled to the max to be interviewed. I couldn't be interviewed. I had a B. BBBBBBBBBBBBBB............................................. Gaa Mun even told me she will tell me what they asked her with a big smile and I didn't need to worry about it. She might as well have made a pig face.

  I hung around and looked at happy faces and crying faces and make-up faces... A girl cried because she got the results like me. All A's except Chinese. Tan Leng took her results and ran back home without even telling me.=(

  I was waiting for Sheena and Gaa Mun to finish their interview but went back as I told my boss I would go back to work right after taking my results. I walked back, feeling more alone than ever despite having crowd and cheers all around me. The sun was up and it was hot but I felt cold inside.

  I went back to work and everyone was excited about my results. They went like it's really good! They were excited and wanted to know what my future plans were.

  I went home and found out something which made me feel worst. As if I wasn't feeling rotten enough.

  My parents were utterly disappointed with my results. They were holding high hopes that I will get 9A+, I didn't. All hopes were gone. In their eyes, I was a goner.

  They think I don't know what's playing in their mind, but it's super-obvious. They are really disappointed. They can't help drooling over those with 10A+ and 9A+.

  Yeah, so I'm stupid for not getting straight A+.

  I cried on that day I got my results, cried myself to sleep last night, and might just cry again tonight. Well, what happens when the good isn't the best?